Unwanted Conversations
by PinkConverse24
Summary: They both knew that they would have to talk eventually.  There was no more putting it off, it had to happen.  Jogan.  Based on Cp Coulter's Dalton.
1. Chapter 1

Julian paced up and down the hallway as Logan watched, unsure of what to do at the moment.

He hated hospitals; he absolutely hated them. He hated the way it smelled in here, he hated how white the walls were, but most of all, he hated the way that everyone looked at him.

Every time he passed by any nurse, they would give him this look. It was identical every time and it was supposed to look sympathetic. Maybe some of the others bought it, but Logan- who had been dragged to enough political gatherings to know what fake was – saw right through it. None of these nurses cared. They weren't in that burning building; they didn't know anyone at Dalton. They don't know any of the guys who had been in one of the rooms; they didn't know the one boy who still was. Another nurse came by with the same look and he just wanted to scream at her our push her, anything that would wipe that damn look off her face, but he had more important things to do.

He finally made his way across the hall towards where a certain brunet was leaning against the wall with his head in his hands.

"Jules, we need to talk."

The other boy looked up with the face of someone who was being held in a corner with nowhere to go. Logan then realized that only a few days ago, he had been. Before getting angry at the memory of this he continued.

"Come on Jules you know we do."

Julian looked around, as if searching for any way of escape, didn't see one, and looked up once more to meet a pair of piercing green eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

"Not now Logan."

Julian quickly walked by him with his head down.

He hadn't gotten very far, however, when Logan grabbed his wrist and stopped him in his tracks.

"Jules, stop it. You need to stop avoiding me. We need to talk about what happened."

Julian struggled against his grip, wishing he were anywhere but in that hallway. Logan turned him around and pushed him against the wall, slightly holding him there. Julian still faced the floor.

"Julian, come on."

No response.

"Julian, look at me!"

Julian slowly lifted his head up and once again looked into the pair of brilliant green eyes that he so desperately wished would look at him in the same way he looked at their owner. His reply was barely a whisper.

"Not now Logan, please."

Logan down looked at him with concern as the boy's warm brown eyes looked on the verge of tears. He wasn't used to seeing Julian so vulnerable. His next words were almost as soft as Julian's.

"Julian, please. Believe me I don't want to do this either. This is just as hard for me as it is for you."

Julian shook his head and let out a laugh that Logan swore was one of the saddest sounds he had ever heard.

"No, Lo, it's not. This isn't as hard for you as it is for me. This isn't nearly as hard for you. You didn't just find out that a guy you considered a friend is actually the person you've been terrified of for months now. You weren't just forced to tell your deepest, most well kept secret to the person you swore you would never tell. You weren't just forced to watch as your friends suffered while all you could think was that it was all your fault."

Logan watched as tears threatened to fall from Julian's eyes. He actually looked at him and saw that his eyes were red, clearly he had been crying before Logan had gone up to him. He looked so small, so scared. How had Logan not noticed before?

"Jules," Logan started quietly. He didn't want to upset Julian any further. "You can't honestly think that this was your fault."

Julian didn't have to answer. He looked into his eyes and in that instant Logan knew that he did. He blamed himself for everything. For the fire, for everyone's injuries, for the boy who, only hours ago, the doctors had said might not make it. Logan realized this and it broke his heart.

"Julian, listen to me. You didn't do anything wrong. None of this is your fault. You can't blame yourself for this. Please believe me."

Logan looked down at Julian, his eyes pleading with him to listen to reason. He tried to lock their eyes but Julian wouldn't let it happen. He kept averting his gaze to the shiny hospital floor.

"Logan can we just talk about it later? Please?"

Julian still wouldn't look at him. Logan knew that if Julian didn't talk now he wouldn't talk about it later either. But then he saw Julian's gaze leave the floor and saw him look down the hall at the door Logan had found him in front of. It was _his_ room, the boy whose chances of waking up seemed to be growing slimmer and slimmer by the second.

"Julian, he's going to pull through this, we all are."

Finally Julian looked up at Logan, his eyes filled with tears he still wouldn't let fall. His next question was so soft Logan had to move closer to hear it.

"How do you know?"

Logan look into the watery sepia eyes, the ones he clearly hadn't looked into carefully enough before. They held so much emotion. Julian held so much in; he hardly ever let his true feelings show. If Logan had looked into his eyes like this before he might have noticed something. He might have noticed how much his friend was hurting. Why hadn't he ever looked into his eyes before? They really were beautiful.

"I don't. I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know that we need to be strong, all of us, for him."

Logan nodded toward the door behind Julian. Julian kept his gaze on Logan.

"Okay."

Logan softly smiled down at Julian. Julian looked like he was going to say something else. He was struggling with it. He seemed unsure of himself. Logan felt like helping him in some way, but he knew he couldn't. Julian opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. Not now, he wasn't ready. Not yet, but maybe soon.

They stood there smiling at each other for a moment, before they each dropped their gazes. They walked over to the door behind them and leaned up against the wall. They stood next to each other, waiting. Waiting for news, waiting for all of the events of the past few days to be only terrible memories.

Logan would stop trying to get Julian to talk to him for now, but he would have to talk eventually. He would try again on another day, a better day. He glanced back at Julian, whose face was turned toward the door. Logan was starting to realize that he had learned more about Julian in these last few days than in all of the three years they had known each other. He frowned. It was like he hadn't known him. How could he have not known so much about him?

Logan turned his head and looked at the floor. He really didn't know what was going to happen. He didn't know what was going to happen to them, or to the boy in the room, or to anyone. It scared him a lot more than he let show. He did know that he had to be strong. He had to be strong for Julian. They had to be strong together.

He looked slightly to the left and saw Julian's hand. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to reach out and hold it. Whether to comfort the smaller boy or himself he wasn't sure. He thought of Julian's smile. He needed to see Julian smile again. He needed to hear him laugh again. The thought of Julian happy again was what kept Logan from letting his memories get to him. It kept him from falling apart. He smiled slightly to himself.

They were going to be all right.

They had to be.


End file.
